Healing From Our Past: A Guide for Women

Most of us have a story.  Usually, when this is said, it relates to a traumatic experience that occurred in our lives at one point.  For some of us, this happened in our childhood,  for others in our adolescence and some of us as adults.  We go through these moments wondering 1) why did this happen? 2) will I survive? and 3) will I ever get over it.

Sadly, some experiences are so terrible that they leave a permanent mark on our hearts…a wound that never seems to heal.  We suffer from post traumatic stress disorder, anxiety, depression and we develop serious trust issues.  Being abused, abandoned, betrayed, tortured, raped, molested or neglected is unhealthy.  It’s never right and there is nothing to justify this sort of thing.

However, at times, it happens inevitably simply because that is just life.  We cannot control others.  People have free will to do good or bad.  I hate to say this, but many people choose to be cruel and malicious for no reason.

As women, we are very fragile creatures.  We hold very deep emotions and an ability to make things beautiful.  We have grace and so much love that is born into us naturally.  Therefore, for us horrible experiences jar our entire beings in a very profound way that only a miracle seems to help.

What happens when we go through trauma?  Well, initially we just shut down.  Something goes off inside us that causes us to isolate and question ourselves.  We begin to wonder what WE did to deserve this awful situation.  The truth is, we are NOT at fault.  The other person made a conscientious choice to engage in this heinous act toward us.  Regardless of the situation that lead to the trauma, the person causing this pain had a choice.  They had a choice to walk away or to cause pain.

We need to rest assured that being on the receiving end of abuse doesn’t make us bad people.  I know women that endure abusive situations for years out of fear and shame.  They fear being hurt for leaving or fear change and they are ashamed of what people will say if they knew.

In essence, fear and shame are acquired after being abused.  So how do we survive it?  Well, I would say that part of surviving is initially going through the motions.  Sometimes the enduring alone is survival mode.  But I think that detaching from an abusive situation shows strength and courage in inexplicable ways.  You must be strong to walk away.  It doesn’t matter if you walk away half broken, but walk away.  Broken things can be glued back together.

The road to recovering is a long, hard but beautiful one.  You experience a lot of different turmoils.  One key factor, however, is acceptance.  To heal from abuse, trauma, etc., you must accept what happened.  Accepting doesn’t mean that you agree or are happy about it.  It means that you are not in denial and are now ready to move forward.

After accepting the situation, allow yourself to feel your feelings.  Some days we feel angry and some days we don’t.  One day we feel hatred and another day we feel doubt.  This is okay.  It is necessary to feel every emotion without trying to hide them or ignore them.  By letting ourselves feel, we actually begin the healing process.

Healing is painful.  It’s like a deep cut.  When a wound heals, it becomes very tender to the touch and hurts if tampered with.  The same thing happens with the heart.  At first, it will be hypersensitive to anything. One word, one look will set you back to the past.  That’s ok, too.  Let it be.  Tomorrow is a new day.

freedom_02After time, things will become easier.  I strongly encourage surrounding yourself with a great support system.  I won’t push spiritual groups because many times after abuse we tend to question spirituality and God.  But I will say that faith in something is crucial to getting through this.

The fact that you’re a survivor is a testament to that in itself.  After all is said and done, forgive yourself first.  Most times we are so angry at the other person when in reality we are just angry with ourselves.  We resent toward ourselves for allowing this to happen; at least that’s the thought process behind our unforgiveness.  But forgive yourself.  When we forgive ourselves, we are free.  We become free of the lies we tell ourselves.  We free ourselves from the self-torture about the past.  When we walk in forgiveness and  unconditional love for all of humanity, we truly walk in freedom.  The past can no longer hold us in bondage.

In time, we must allow love in again.  Love is the key to everything.  Loving ourselves attracts the right people and the right situations.  We must see ourselves clearly and love what we see.  We need to embrace our flaws and our virtues.  In this evolution of self, we grow and can inspire other women that are in trouble.

Be blessed.  Love and Light!

Copyright © 2015 all rights reserved Psychic Emilie Moe 

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